First Day bled into First Night now First Midnight

I made a promise to myself to begin, today, in making sure I write something here each day.  I am sharing my journey not so much in thinking that I am entertaining enough for you to want to read this, but more to keep me honest in the things I say and the things I am doing.  Some of the posts will be silly or foolish.  Some may not be.  Thank you for reading this far.

It is after midnight, after a long day, after a night with little sleep, and I am making sure I write something here.

If I were to tell the truth, which there is no reason not to do so, the surreal feeling I have with exhaustion, the slight (or not so slight ringing in my ears), and the feeling like my head is a large lump of tofu ready to bounce off my shoulder and break apart into bread-like chunks is very much like the feeling I had when I smoked my first cigarette.  I started when I was 17 and smoked until I was 33, and most of that was a two pack a day habit.  I am glad to say I have been nicotine clean since then, and loving it.  But, yes, the feeling of this exhaustion is not unlike that light headed high you get from the first smoke. It is both disgusting and euphoric.

There is a moment in this type of exhaustion when you sit and listen past the ringing, and you think, just for a moment, that the veil of reality is gossamer thin and you can just glimpse the movements of the cogs of reality.  You think that just a moment that the logic and motion and beauty of the universe is about to coalesce before you.  Then, nothing.  The dog barks, the wind blows, your wife laughs at some inane website from the other side of the room, and the feeling is gone and you just have to go to bed.

I am so fortunate to have her in my life.  I know all things happen for a reason and in their own time.  She was definitely worth the wait.


Good night.

Two footnotes on the video montage:  the music is James Taylor and I do know I misspelled a word in it.  I hope you like the photography and music as much as I do.